Excuses Explosion!

Well hello there strangers! 

Let's skip the small talk and get right into my list of lame excuse for not blogging in over a month! 

 

• I got DIAL UP! I tolerated posting with it for about 4 weeks before it honestly turned uploading pictures into an hour long chore per post and I couldn't stand it ANYMORE.
•  I ran out of batteries for my camera and have been too lazy to buy more! Seriously. (until today that is!)
•  My "natural light" lamp that I use for photos exploded and I busted 3 new VERY expensive 6500k bulbs trying to use it before I realized it was toast. 
• After my photo lamp exploded I felt like my picture quality and color accuracy wasn't up to my standards and refused to settle.
•  I started to feel like I was not "enjoying" my polishes but instead only slapping them on for 30 seconds at a time to snap pics then tossing them aside. 
• I realized I had not left the house with all 10 fingers painted the same color in over 3 months. 
• I started feeling like I wasn't funny anymore and I was scared the quality of writing on my blog would suffer and decided it was best to keep my mouth SHUT until I felt funny again.
• I got a hangnail.
• My fiance's baby mama said my step chitlins could not read my blog anymore unless I stopped cussing which seemed like an impossible feat to achieve! (just kidding Misty).
• After a few days of 10 finger manis and really enjoying my polishes I kinda got addicted and swatching seemed annoying. 
• My dog ate my laptop?

Anyhoo, I REALLY appreciate all the awesome, amazingly sweet emails and comments I have gotten these last few weeks asking me to come back! It feels so great to know people miss me! But it also feels crappy knowing people are waiting to read about my crazies and each day find nothing new on my blog. Sorry about that guys!

My plan as of now is to just slowly ease back into blogging to try to keep myself from flaking out again. I'm going to be starting cosmetology school soon and I really want to be back into the swing of blogging before that starts so I can add some more "lessons from the looney bin" I learn at school! 

I think the best way to kick off my new start of adventures in blogging is with a few mouth watering holos, wouldn't you agree? 

Nfu-oh holos really are the prime specimens of the holo world. They are truly in a league of their own. Nail polish companies should all have the Nfu-oh holo line on a shelf somewhere in their testing departments with a big RED, FLASHING sign that says "NOTHING LESS WILL BE TOLERATED!" I just wish they offered them in darker colors. 

 BA-ZINGA! This is my favorite of the nfu-oh holos! It has just enough blue in it for me and I feel like the rainbow effect is even more concentrated in this one than it is in 61. But it could just be that I am incredibly partial to blue.

It's nice to be back. I have been hauling just as much as always so I have all kinds of goodies just hangin' out waiting to get swatched. Also, feel free to email me with requests and such if you feel like it. 

Love, MM

PS- How did everyone that bought vintage vixen feel about the polishes once you had 'em in your hands/on your nails? I myself feel almost sheepish over how overly excited I was about them pre-release.

While were waiting...

While we all desperately wait for the new Orly plastix and Cosmix and China Glaze Vintage Vixen collections to come out let's take a look at some awesome older polishes that you can buy right now to give some direction back to that hole in your pocket.  We must not overlook the fact that a steady stream of polish must be available to buy at all times, otherwise the steady stream of cash that buys the polish might stop.  I mean I don't know about you but if I can't track at least one package everyday I start to panic.  If I don't keep up the constant stream of polishes I "have to have" my fiance might make a major mistake and think I don't need anymore money for polish. 

So, here is Color Club's Wild at Heart Collection.  I love this set and it's a cheap thrill while we wait.  Next I'll do the Color Club Dance to the Music collection. You can buy these sets at VNS for about $14 plus shipping.

please excuse the quality of this photo.  This polish is actually a flesh toned holo and it's gorgeous in 2 coats.  I had a major catastrophe while attempting to capture this polish on film so I have a good excuse for it being craptastic.  You see, I was looking for a sunspot in which to photograph when I innocently peered downwards. Mere feet from my exposed toes I spotted a LOCUST the size of a freakin' bologna and cheese sandwich.  During my sprint across the porch my eyes stayed locked on it's prehistoric plastic-like body.  It was EATING.  It's front legs were making jolting and eratic movements as it maneuvered a leaf in its mini wood chipper mouth.  It had baby arms like a mini T-Rex people. BABY ARMS.  Mini, plasticy, sticky, grabby, giant locust arms were coming to GET ME as I ran to the door and of course I made it safely inside.  Actually the locust didn't even move except for the nasty arm thing with the leaf.  And maybe it wasn't the size of a sandwich, but it was at least the size of a soft taco supreme. At the very LEAST.

This is a multi-toned fine glitter in a clear base that flashes from gold to amber to yellow. It's almost metallic at some angles.  It's brutal awesome layered! This is 3 coats.

 Gunmetal grey shimmer. This one is brush strokey but still cool and I still wear it. 2 coats but as you can see it needed 3.

Gorgeous blue based green shimmer.  I LOVE this color.  It is so smooth going on and man is it eye catching! This is 2 coats.

 Dark purple holo, nuff said. 2 coats.

This is a black jelly with fine gold glitter.  It is gorgeous when the sun hits it.  It's a lot like China Glaze's wagon trail but the glitter is much larger in this one.  3 coater.

Love, MM

BOOYA!

I haven't been in the mood to swatch lately so that makes for slim pickin's when it comes to posting. Sorry I keep leavin ya'll hangin. I'm sure I'll get over it and start swatching my brains out and posting up a storm at some point. Until then, thanks for checking my blog to those of you that do.

Anyway, I have never really been into frankening mostly because I love my polishes and I don't want to mess them up, also because I would rather just buy something than make it myself.  But the polish I have been craving isn't available freakin ANYWHERE it seems.  I am talkin' bout a true green holo my dear ladies.  Not a yellowy green, not a teal like China Glaze DV8, a TRUE GREEN.  Also, none of this holo glitter or holo particle business.  I wanted a real holo not some crappy blue green jelly with holo glitter in it. 

So, I just sacrificed my first polish to make a franken.  It's not as dark as I would like but it IS the color China Glaze forgot when they made the OMG collection, In my opinion,  which is exactly what my goal was.  So I present to you my sort of, technically, first franken polish-

I call it OMFG.  I think that captures all aspects of this franken perfectly.  This was 2 coats in outdoor lighting.  So?  What do you guys think?  Did I done good? 

Love, MM

P.S.- The recepe for this is roughly 1/2 China Glaze OMG and 1/2 Nfu-oh 569 with a few drops of black.

Holy Holographic Repeat Rainbow Ruffian, Batman!

Yeah.  I'm getting a little carried away with this whole "ruffian" thing. 

I just repeated the "ruffian" over and over to get this look. Just keep painting your nails a little further down each time. I used all China Glaze holo polishes. L8R G8R, DV8, 2NITE, LOL,  BFF, QT, TTYL, repeat.  I did about 3 colors at a time, let them dry, then continued. One coat each.  I coated it in Seche Vite at the end making sure to wrap my tips. Since this isn't technically a ruffian I have dubbed it the "Hobo".

 Here's a closer look.


If you want this to look like an actual rainbow instead of a rainbow covering the nail then start with a light blue creme and leave a larger space before starting the first holo polish. Then do 5 or 6 holos and end with a green creme covering most of the bottom of you're nail.

You can even add a little Pot-o-gold!  If you wanna be stupid and cutesy about it like me, that is.

Love, MM

Damn Straight!

As some of you may already know I am not an "O.P.I. girl".  I admit it.  I don't like their polish.  At the risk of loosing half my readers I have to lay it all out there y'all.  I am just not into it. 

There is a special mix of factors that converge into my near hatred of the brand.  First and most importantly, they are SHEER.  Plain and simple, the majority of their polishes  require too many coats.  They CHIP.  Yeah, they do.  When I try out a polish I always try it naked, by naked I mean no base coat no top coat, just plain.  The longest an OPI has lasted on me is about 5 hours without chipping.  For a brand to rely upon the consumer to purchase base and top coats in order to make their product work correctly, or in their case, at ALL, is bullshit.  

Now with all that out of the way here is the twist that really makes me dislike OPI.  They have this superiority complex attitude about them. And even with all the short comings of the brand they are WAY overpriced.  People act as though they are without flaw. Seriously, it ticks me off that OPI is regarded so highly despite it's many downfalls as though they don't exist.  Hell, some people will only wear OPI in the same way that spoiled actors will only drink a certain kind of bottled water. I call Bullshit!  

 In my opinion it's a brand thing.  Just like Doc Martins in high school, people all "love" OPI only because everyone else they respect "loves OPI".  It's like Marlboro light cigarettes, and 1996 Mustangs.  The problem here is Mustangs aren't COOL, they are retarded,  just like OPI.  My advice to you is to get a Trans Am and some Nfu-oh, playa.  A vette would be better, but hey I can't afford the Chanel polish to go with it.

Now there is ALWAYS an exception to every rule, and my personal exception to the "OPI sucks ass" rule is the OPI designer series.  Specifically OPI DS Glamour.  It is the ONLY OPI I have ever desired.  It is a COBALT blue HOLO people!!! How could I resist it no-matter what brand it is!

Simply Gorgeous. This was 3 coats and it chipped in only 3 hours but HEY I'll suck it up for JUST THIS ONE TIME.  Besies, the "DS" in "DS glamour" stands for "Damn Straight" in my universe. OPI Damn Straight series, it is just way cooler.

Oh yeah, one more thing. the shape of the OPI bottle makes it collect dust. That annoys me.

Sunny Day!

I just LOVE the China Glaze OMG collection.  The holos are very smooth.  They coat very well in one coat, dry fast, and come in some pretty good colors.  So far I've found the MOST holo-y ones are 2NITE, TTYL, L8R G8R and DV8.  The least being QT.  But I still have a few more to get.

This is 2 coats outdoors.  The sun still could have been brighter, so I don't think this picture shows it's true potential. 

This is 2 coats of QT in sunlight.  Not very holo.  But still kinda pretty.  I'm deffinitely going to try this one again just to make sure.

I swatched more of the OMG collection here.

This is 3 coats in the sun.  I like this a lot.  It's like X-TREME holo in the bottle, but I think I needed some blinding cancer filled UVB rays blarring down at me for it to be that holo on my nails.  

PS- I swear to god I didn't leave the house in that disasterous mani from yesterday!  Nail Polish Scouts Honor.  OK,  I did leave my house, but I kept my hands in my pockets the entire time.  Also I found my hair brush like 2 days ago.  Just had to let you guys know I haven't been running around town like one of those matted poodles from Animal Cops on animal planet.

The sun'll come out Tomorrow.

After I have taken off my holo there'll be sun.  It seriously never fails. Every time I want to swatch holos the sun disappears. Yesterday I was out in my yard with my camera in one hand and a bottle of polish in the other CHASING a beam of sunshine around the yard.  For serious I was RUNNING around.  As soon as I got my nails in the sun I would stop and position the bottle just right right and try to snap a picture.  But at some point I was too busy to notice that a service truck had driven down my driveway to access the satellite tower behind my house and was sitting in plain view watching me running around acting like a lunatic.  So I leapt onto my porch like a gazelle, somehow not falling since both my hands were full, dashed inside and made the executive decision to snap pics under my desk lamp.  It really was pointless to do the whole gazelle thing though because they were right there watching me run around the yard enthusiastically taking photos of my own hand.   Then they sat and watched me as I spotted them and ran inside. I probably should have just waved at them, then walked inside like a normal person.  So now, according to the tower dudes, I'm the lady that has an unhealthy infatuation with her own hand and in her sick twisted desperation to keep it secret she runs inside to hide when she sees other humans.  Awesome.

Here is the one passable photo I was able to take in the sun before fleeing indoors to safety.  This is LOL, with chevron tips in DV8.

Yeah, so I wasn't just failing hard by referencing that Little Orphan Annie song at the beginning of this post.  I'm totally going somewhere with that.  I sang that song in my school talent show when I was in 4th grade.  Would you like me to describe it for you in one adjective?  TRAGIC.  Here's the scoop dudes.  I will never forgive my mother for letting me wear the "dress" I wore in that talent show.  It was a black, um, frock that was covered in primary colored polka dots the size of softballs.  I can't really describe what type of dress it was. It was basically a mass of untailored fabric that hung to the middle of the shin. Not ankle length, not knee length, SHIN length.  It had no waist, no ties, no bow, no nothing. The collar, yes it had a COLLAR, on this thing was one of those Amish looking rounded collars that look like you're wearing a freakin BIB.  I think somebody must have made it themselves and put it on the rack at Target as a joke.

The dress isn't even the low point here.  I stood up on that stage gripping the microphone until my knuckles where white, drenched in that nightmare of a "dress" and missed my Que to start singing FOUR TIMES.  They had to keep starting the song over for me.  I just stood there acting like nothing was wrong ignoring the part of the song where I was supposed to sing.  I eventually did sing my song though.  Oh the horror, good lord that is a STUPID SONG.  Why did you let me pick that stupid song mom?  Why did you buy that "dress" for me mom?  Why? 

These are all 2 coats of China Glazes OMG collection polishes. These are my favorite holos. They are so awesome and dry super fast.  Please pardon the "strip mall spray tan" look my fingers are sporting.  It's from my desk lamp.  It's a shame about the lamp, these really are a lot prettier in the sunshine.

Layers

Let's not sugar coat things ladies.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I'm not going to sugar coat ANYTHING.  But you can sugar coat to your hearts desire.  Deal?  With that out of the way, layering polish totally pisses me off.

I freaking HATE polishes that require layering.  You know the ones. They look freaking SWEET in the bottle but are totally sheer and worthless unless YOU make the extra effort to layer them over another polish.  GAH!  What a slap in the face huh?  "Here is some polish that looks pretty in the bottle but WE aren't going to make it wearable, YOU figure it out, sucker." 

And what's the deal with the streaking?  These things seem like they have a top secret, high tech, government created, pro-streak serum added to them.  Most likely the same serum they put on the back of the impossible to remove, advertisement stickers that manufacturers like to slap on the front of brand new TVs.   Maybe buying that junk is the reason they couldn't afford to properly pigment the polish.  With all the money these polish companies save on pigments by forcing us to layer on our own coin why can't they just be halfway decent and place the word "TOPCOAT" on the freaking bottle?

Now I am NOT talking about polishes that are clearly meant to be layered.  Like Orly prisma gloss, sheer glitters, Holo topcoats etc. I am actually BFFs with this type of polishes. They help change up boring manis, hide smudges and pump up the wow factor on your nails.  I also have no beef with sheer jellies or glitter jellies that are buildable.

Honestly I haven't ever worn one of the above mentioned layering polishes aside from two circumstances.1) To take a photo. 2) This retarded thing I do- If anyone is looking at my polishes I'll run over, overcome with excitement and grab one of them to show the person how it changes when layered over black. I'll even talk about how cool it is, "look how it changes, WOW isn’t it awesome?" even though I absolutely HATE them. For this behavior I have no explanation.

So, for those of you that like layering I have swatched some of the "coolest" ones for you. These are all done over a single coat of Sinful Colors Black on Black.  If you haven't gotten this perfect one coat black yet I highly advise you do so ASAP!

Pink based duochrome.  Flashes from blue to purple to hot pink when layered over black as shown.  This is the least streaky of the polishes I swatched today. 1 coat.

This flashes from an electric blue, almost teal to the white base color.  Since we layed it over black and the base is sheer it basically flashes from blue to black.  2 coats because it's a streak-FEST.

Super awesome purple to green duochrome.  A total waste of an awesome polish unless you layer it.  This is 1 coat.

This one flashes from royal blue to pink when layered over black. 1 coat.

  

Now, here is my favorite polish that is MEANT to be layered. Orly Prisma Gloss in Gold. The reason this polish is so awesome is that the holo micro glitter settles at the bottom. So, when you shake it up you can control how glittery your mani will be. A light shake will give you sparse glitter like the night sky, my personal favorite.  And a lot of shaking will give you super dense glitter almost like a holo topcoat.  I LOVE it!  Now I don't have to mix up clear polish with a drop of glitter polish in a bottle cap to get sparse glitter!

This is my favorite way to wear Prisma Gloss. Two quick shakes for a really sparse glitter application that is subtle and gorgeous.

This is Prisma Gloss totally shaken up. It transforms into basically a holo topcoat. You can't really see the "holo" here but it is SUPER holographic. This has replaced all my other holo topcoats as my favorite. It is incredibly vibrant and dries super fast without the addition of a quick dry topcoat.
 1 coat!